2014

2013 was such a spectacular year for me. I loved reminiscing the past couple of weeks on how blessed I have been to have so many great things happen to me in the past 365 days. Not everyday was rainbows and butterflies, but damn, those were few and far between when you look at the big picture. 

So far in 2014 I haven't felt an immediate surge of "freshness" or "starting over" like I did last year, but I'm hoping it might just take a few more days/weeks than usual. 

I've cleaned the apartment up from a very fun New Years Eve night, I've packed away all the christmas decorations [you get used to such little space- my apartment feels HUGE now that the tree and little decorations are gone!] and I've made a resolution. 

Time. To. Get. Moving.

So, before anyone laughs in my face about my resolution, let me be the first to say all of this...

I am skeptical.

I am going to be very raw, so bear with me...

To be brutally honest, 2013 was amazing for me- well except for everything I did to my body. I have utterly disrespected my body by the amount of alcohol consumed, excessive "bad food"eaten and lack of exercise that happened over the past year. 

It's definitely taken its toll on my 4'11" frame to say the veeeery least.

[Note: this is not compliment fishing- I dare you to research the "healthy" weight ranges for someone 4'11"; lets just say when I was fit I was still pushing the top limit due to muscle mass]

I get concerned about what carrying around extra weight might be doing to my muscles and my organs, so I've decided it's finally time to make a change.

Resolution 2014: To get fit.

I am leaving it at that. I tossed around the idea of putting a number weight loss, I tossed around an inches decrease, but realistically that isn't going to happen in whatever unrealistic time frame I place on my life (I know myself too well...). 

So, I know this is mine and everyone else's resolutions, but last year I did so well at sticking to my guns about surrounding myself with positive people, so if I make a resolution like getting fit, it may actually be attainable. 

I have a far way to go, it took a year to do this to myself. It will probably take a year to undo this.

But, at least I acknowledge it?

This to me seems beyond daunting, but I'm determined to stop breaking down in dressing rooms when I've realized I'm the heaviest I've ever been so my poor mother can stop that "I can only say so much to make you feel better, I'm out of ideas" look on her face. I feel so incredibly bad that I've learned to despise my body because it effects everyone that see's me saddened by it. 

Your body is supposed to be your temple and you're supposed to treat it as such. 

Welllll guess what. I love macaroni and cheese, and bread, and pasta, and cheese, and milk, and junk food and pizza and...

So since I know it's absolutely insane to think for the next year I am going to eat perfectly (aka no carbs and lots of lettuce- Jesus that just sounds miserable verbalizing that) so I've taken the steps to join a gym and further enticing myself to go by paying extra for tanning. 

Is it sad I'm essentially bribing myself? sigh

I'm taking it three months at a time I've decided. To keep myself accountable, I'll be privately documenting my progress, so maybe if I lose my mind completely I'll have the guts to share in my blog.

Speaking of my blog, I'm promising myself I am going to start writing more. I was the absolute happiest when I was documenting my own life (I mean who better to document this wonderful ride better than me?) even in the sad moments, so maybe that will be resolution 2.0? 

Anyway, I'm going to go back to sitting in the peaceful quiet of my apartment. Mayley snoozing next to me, curled up on the couch, a rather full glass of wine, some E! News on the TV and my wonderful man coming over later. Sometimes I ask myself on Friday nights like this: Are you 22 or 82? YOLO.

Hope you all had a wonderful start to the new year. It's your life, you have the power to make this a wonderful one, even if its just your mindset. 

Love, 

K